Tick Tock

Have you ever been stuck in a waiting room for what seemed like an achingly long time? With the unceasing rhythmic backdrop of the “tick tock, tick tock” of a clock – seemingly positioned to remind you that you can neither speed up nor slow down time?

That’s where I’ve been hanging out the past month. This month there have been moments where I’ve desperately wanted to speed up the tick tock of the clock. And moments where I’ve desperately wanted to slow it down.

There was the week of having my sister and her family in town all the way from Florida. Of seeing Eliana get to actually interact with her cousins for the first time (the last time she saw them she was only 8 months old) – which translated to seeing Eliana perhaps the most exuberantly happy I have ever seen her.

Having family around that week was deep soul therapy. We laughed ’til we cried. And then I’d go home at night and cry because it was so good and they live so far. Us adult kids sat around talking late into the night. Far too late for parents of little people who wake with the dawn. We ordered pancakes, far too many pancakes, bigger than our faces. We (well the rest of gang) made memories flying down water slides – and I joined in on the lazy river. We picked cherries fresh from the tree. And watched cousins chase each other down the hall screaming with laughter. Again and again and again. We fed goats and llamas. And the clock tick-tocked far too fast and my heart yearned for a place where goodbyes are no longer necessary.

June has also been a month of celebration. Jeff and I celebrated three years of marriage. My goodness I do not know how it is only three years. Needless to say, we’ve lived a lot of life in those short years. And when I look at the deep partnership we share after such a relatively brief time I marvel at the grace that’s been poured out on us. This man. My goodness this man. You’ve gotten a glimpse at his heart on the pages of this blog, but what you haven’t gotten a glimpse of is how he labors tirelessly, joyfully, and unceasingly to love and support our family. You don’t see him cooking meals when I’m just too tired, squeezing in time to unload the dishwasher before work, crawling on the floor on all fours shaking his bottom like a dog just to get a laugh out of his daughter. You don’t see him snatching spare minutes to research, research, research so as to make wise decisions as we walk a hard road. He is a good man bolstered and propelled and carried by the grace of an even greater Man, whom he so beautifully reflects. So, yes, there was much to celebrate in the passing of another year.

Just a few short days after celebrating our anniversary, we got to celebrate Father’s Day. We took a trip out to Manson with my Dad for breakfast, blueberry picking and wine tasting. Ellie might have broken the no-grazing rule while picking. Repeatedly. It’s a good thing she’s so darn cute.

Another cause for celebration earlier in the month was Arabella’s echo. Remember how we were told she would need almost immediate heart surgery? As in surgery within a few hours of birth? Well, there are indeed several complications with our little girl’s heart. However. Surgery? Almost certainly will not be necessary right after birth. She’ll likely be able to grow big and strong for at least 3-6 months (and perhaps even a couple years in the very best scenario) before undergoing open heart surgery. Another beautiful grace in our girl’s story. So once again, the primary concern is just that little ribcage growing big enough for lung tissue to develop.

In the midst of a month of many celebrations, though, there have also been many days where the clock tick-tocks ever so slowly. When fears and uncertainties and restlessness swirl ferociously. When temps are hot, and toddlers are cranky, and all I want is a nap. Days when the road seems long and lonely and I count the minutes until Jeff walks through the door and count the days until the precious weekends where I have him with me – where I have him to parse through the fears and speak reason into my trembling heart.

But the days are passing, as are the weeks. We’re 33 weeks today. Four weeks from me moving to Seattle. Likely about six short weeks from meeting Arabella. This coming week my first baby girl turns two. And the following week we make the drive to Seattle again for another ultrasound and another echo. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

And so I end this rambling recount of the month with once again the humble request that you keep praying for us. Pray as we work out all the details surrounding me heading to Seattle – from housing to those who will care for Eliana in my absence to me not going into labor while I’m there and my husband is here. Pray for the ability to have delight and joy in the moment, in spite of what looms large in front of us. And pray that I survive a week…perhaps more?…of 100+ degree days. My goodness, having a baby in August is a foolish thing. Thank you for loving and carrying our family through this time!