Baby it’s cold outside

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. I love feminine and flirty winter clothes. Wool skirts, high heeled boots, colorful scarves, cute hats, wool coats. I love that when I don said attire, my students greet me with applause (seriously) and oohs and ahhs (seriously). However, I’m afraid such attire is now retired for the next few months thanks to the recent plummet in temperatures. There comes a point where the love of such clothes is completely diminished by the simple need to survive the elements. When it’s negative 15 degrees outside, and you walk everywhere, fashion is thrown out the window. In case you’ve never experienced such temperatures, this is the type of cold that instantaneously freezes your nose hairs. It’s a cold where the biting wind causes your eyes to water, and then immediately freezes your tears on your eyelashes. Meaning when you finally reach a building warm enough to thaw your eyelashes, your mascara hopelessly pools beneath your eyes, promptly qualifying you for the position of lead singer in a goth band. This is not the type of weather to look “pretty” in.

I remember back in college severely mocking (in love of course) my roommate Heather as she layered up as early as October. Heather hailed from Florida, weighed about as much as my right leg, and just was in no way accustomed to the sometimes fierce Chicago winters. And so, to the perpetual amusement of her hardy midwestern roommates, she would add layer upon layer upon layer as the temperatures steadily dropped. The Chinese are even more deathly afraid of the cold than Heather. And apparently, six years of being surrounded by this fear has had it’s effect on me. Call me a wuss if you like, but I now layer clothes with the best of them.

For your amusement, I thought I would list off all of the clothing items I put on today prior to my morning commute (my morning commute is walking out in the elements, mind you). On the bottom first we have a warm pair of socks. Next, pair one of fleece lined long underwear. Then, pair two of warm socks. Then, pair two of fleece lined long underwear. Yes, I said pair two. Mock all you want. Then lined wool pants. Then ugg boots, which have about twelve inches of brightly colored striped sweater material sewn to the top of them to provide a third layer of long underwear. Yes, I bought the boots in China, why do you ask? And no, I do not wear the leg sweaters outside of my pants. I haven’t lived in China quite that long.

Alright, let’s move to the top. First, a long sleeved long underwear top. Second, a cami to seal in the warmth. Then a long sleeved blouse. Then a sweater. Next comes the scarf. Then the thick puffy Columbia coat that I’ve had since my freshman year in college. The coat gets zipped all the way up until it covers half my face. Next is pair one of gloves. Then, on goes the hat. Last, pair two of gloves…or more correctly, mittens. My mittens look like pigs–complete with snout and ears. And no, I see nothing wrong with this.

This my friends is how to survive the ridiculously cold temperatures of northeast China. I warmly welcome you to come visit and see how long you make it without the layers.