Abundant life

“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

I thought I understood this verse. Then I watched my daughter go through a transformative heart surgery.

We knew Shiloh was struggling before surgery, but to be honest, we didn’t realize how much she was struggling. All we had ever known was a broken-hearted Shiloh. We had no “healthy” version of her to compare to. Her lack of interest in pursuing motor skills? Yes, she’s tired, but perhaps she’s just not nearly as determined as Bella. Lack of interest in feeding herself? Some kids are just late to develop that skill. Breathy, barely there chuckle? Maybe that’s just the way she laughs. Quiet, not much of a babbler, not much of a screamer? Some kids just have a quieter demeanor. She seems pretty easy-going, this quietness seems to go along with that trait. Long naps and early bedtime – well, surely that’s partly because she’s tired from an overworked heart, but maybe she’s also just a good sleeper. Inability to put on pounds? Certainly once again related to her heart, but really, how big should she be? There’s no growth chart for her form of dwarfism. To what extent is she actually struggling?

I could go on. But the simple fact is, we didn’t realize how sick she was until she was well. We didn’t know her life lacked abundance, until abundance was poured out on her.

Shiloh laughs now. Not a faint chuckle, but a deep belly joy-filled room-filling laugh. She hasn’t been spoon fed a single meal since surgery. In fact, she LOVES food now. Eating is her primary activity throughout the day and she has a voracious appetite that is rarely satiated. She has put on 1.5 pounds (actually, probably more since she’s still been clearing off fluid) since surgery four weeks ago. She shrieks and babbles and demands to make herself heard. She has found her voice. Every emotion is felt and exhibited at a much heightened degree. She gets mad now…quite mad…when things don’t go as she desires. And that anger is usually somehow related to food. If she takes too long of a nap, she won’t go to sleep at night.

She is a new child. What we were seeing before was a mere faint echo of who she really is.

We didn’t know just how much she was struggling. We thought we were managing. We were planning on holding off on surgery. And then Jesus changed the story. He knew just what our girl needed and when she needed it and he threw open every door in the way. Surgery…transformation…healing…came suddenly, abruptly. One day her heart was broken. And then it was repaired. And repairing a heart? Does a whole lot for a life.

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

I hear him whisper it in the corners of my own once-broken, repaired heart. This, this is what I come to do. Yes, I am the great healer of hearts, but it doesn’t stop at that. I am a healer of hearts so that. So that life might be abundant. Not abundant in the sense that riches and leisure and pleasure suddenly flow in. Abundant in the sense that you will now feel, will now experience all things more fully. Your joy? Will run deeper. Your laughter? Will ring louder. Your voice? Will grow stronger. Your grief? Yes, your grief will cut deeper. Your righteous anger? Will run hotter. You will begin to glimpse, imagine, dream, understand things as they should be, as they were created to be. And when you see echoes of that kingdom? Echoes of your Father’s ways made manifest? Oh how your heart will sing! But it will also hurt that much more, it will hurt that much more as you see the death and decay that seems to defy kingdom ways. Yes, in all these things, greater abundance is yours.

All of this is true now, but there will be a day when it is that much truer. A day when we look back in laughter and say, and we thought we were really living! We did not even know how much we were struggling. We did not know what it meant to live and love and breathe and feel. This life? It will fade to the mirage that it is, and all of us with our scars, with our broken-but-repaired hearts, will fully know the abundance we were created for.

And if the past four weeks have taught me anything, it’s that that day, oh that day, will be indescribably glorious.