Under the broom bush

It’s been silent on here a long time. Over four months to be exact.

I left you on the eve of heart surgery, contemplating the faithfulness of the Lord in the past as we moved into the scary unknowns of the present. And heart surgery? Went about as well as we could hope for. The surgery itself, as well as the recovery, was quicker than expected. Our warrior girl showed off her fighting spirit, and paraded around the halls within days of open heart surgery.

And it was still one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. Perhaps I will find the time and the space to write on that at some point, but that is not what is on my heart to share tonight.

We came back from heart surgery right on the heels of welcoming our third daughter – the second daughter that we were prepared to say goodbye to, but instead brought home thriving and breathing on her own. We had seen God move powerfully in our lives and our daughters’ lives countless times. He showed up in big and beautiful and unbelievable ways.

But I came back from Bella’s surgery exhausted and weary and in some ways quite broken.

Do you remember the story of Elijah on Mount Caramel? He’s up there with hundreds of prophets of Baal, and they decide to have a showdown to determine whose God is really God. They set up one altar for Baal, one altar for the Lord and in turn proceed to call down fire. The prophets of Baal plead for hours on end with no result. Elijah dumps a whole bunch of water on his altar, utters a simple prayer, and consuming fire erupts on the altar. All present bow down to worship the one true Lord and the prophets of Baal are destroyed. After a severe famine, rain returns to the land. Triumph abounds. You would think Elijah is riding some sort of crazy spiritual high.

But Jezebel gets a bit angry with Elijah’s destruction of the prophets of Baal, threatens to kill Elijah in turn…and Elijah flees to the wilderness, crumpling in a heap under a broom bush. The picture we get is of one exhausted, depressed, self-pitying man who has lost the will to live.

If I was God (thank goodness I’m not), I might have sent an angel to go smack the guy upside the head and say, “GET UP. Did you not just see what I did? Where on earth is this fear and self-pity and depression coming from? Get a grip man!”

God does send an angel. But instead of bringing hard words of truth, this angel shows up with warm fresh baked bread and a jar of water. The angel simply tells him to eat, and lets Elijah go back to sleep again. When he wakes, the angel once again commands him to eat saying, “The journey is too much for you.”

This is a brief episode in the life of an extraordinary prophet, and yet it is one of my favorites. Partly because it reveals the frail humanity within the great prophet. But mostly because it reveals the tenderness of our God – and his intimate understanding of our humanity. The Lord knows we are physical, emotional beings. And He knows sometimes we need food and drink and sleep even more than we need a sermon.

I feel like in some ways these past four months have been a sweet time of refreshment under the broom bush. For the sake of Shiloh, this winter has involved a lot of hibernating. Life has been stripped down to its necessities. Ellie goes to preschool, but other than that the kids aren’t involved in any activities. We have one day a week we usually don’t have any commitments, and we consequently usually don’t make it out of our jammies. Remarkably, considering the fact we have three kids four and under, we’ve only had one brief bout of a stomach bug go through the house, but have been otherwise healthy. Oh the mercy in this, especially for Shiloh! I’ve been able to take the time and space to heal and take care of myself. To eat well, to exercise, to get as much sleep as you can with a baby in the house. To bake cookies, to read books, to love on and be loved by the community that is close to us. It’s been a quiet season, and oh so needed.

But body, heart and soul refreshed, I can sense the call now to get up. The journey continues and there is work to be done.

Quite literally, the medical journey continues this Tuesday with our first set of spring appointments at Children’s. Both Shiloh and Bella will meet with the orthopedist, and then Shiloh has a CT scan to get a more detailed picture of exactly what is going on with her heart. The results of this scan will help us to know how complicated her repair is going to be. The current thought is she will likely be having heart surgery in May or June, but we should know more about that mid-March.

We know the next few months have the potential to feel a bit like a marathon. But I cannot tell you how thankful I am for the one who gives us seasons of pause when the journey has been too much. For a God who knows the restorative power of warm bread, a cool drink, and a good long nap.