Shiloh Eve

Birthday cake has been brushed off of teeth. Stories have been read. Two sisters have been tucked into bed. And now Jeff and I sit in the lobby of Ronald McDonald, watching Bella prance around her pack ‘n play on the monitor. Sitting on the precipice. The time is here and it’s all surreal and we wonder if we’re truly ready for what lies ahead.

To be honest, I don’t have much left in me to say tonight. I feel hushed by the weight and holiness of the moment, so I’ll stick to the basics.

Here is what we know.

Shiloh is a mover and a shaker. This girlie is an acrobat and appears to be attempting to set a record as to quantity and speed of turns at late gestational ages. I love the feisty nature this appears to reveal in our girl. I want her to come out fighting. However, her propensity to move out of desirable birthing positions poses challenges to the planned for induction tomorrow.

A vaginal (I cannot believe I just wrote that word on my blog) birth really is best for our girl. The process of being pushed out through the birth canal helps a bunch in clearing out fluid in the lungs, and can be very beneficial for those who are expected to have respiratory challenges. Namely, sweet Shiloh.

We will call labor & delivery in the morning to ask them when we can come in for induction. We’re hoping to be at the hospital by around 10 in the morning. The first step will be an ultrasound to check Shiloh’s position. If she is not head down, she will then have a non-stress test. She’s passed that with flying colors the past two weeks, and assuming she continues to do that, they will attempt a gentle aversion to get her to move into position.

If Shiloh is already head down, or is compliant with being moved head down, we will then begin the induction. I am a notoriously long laborer, so I’m assuming this would mean she would arrive sometime on July 2nd. But who knows, maybe the third time around things will just click and I will have a speedy labor. Pigs fly sometimes right?

If Shiloh refuses to be moved into a head down position, we will be sent home from the hospital. We have a c-section scheduled for 9am Monday morning. They may attempt one last ditch aversion before that.

To be honest with you, I don’t want a c-section. And I don’t want to wait until Monday to get things going. I’m kind of done with the waiting.

What we also know: people are converging tomorrow. My dad arrives early to hang out at the Ronald McDonald house with the girls while we’re at the hospital. My mom arrives from across the country tomorrow night. Kristin, our dear friend and incredible photographer of Bella’s birth, plans on heading over tomorrow. Jenni, our night nurse and now dear friend from Bella’s delivery will be on shift starting Saturday evening.

That is a summary of what we know on the eve of Shiloh’s birth. What we know leads us to pray and hope for many specific things. For a head down. For a smooth induction with no complications. I’m ok if she arrives in the middle of the night, but if we’re going to have a limited amount of time with her, I’d really like for it to be daytime so we don’t have to wake the girls from a dead sleep to meet their sister. And of course we plead for those lungs. For deep, beautiful, sustaining breaths in those lungs.

And so we approach the throne with requests on our lips…but knees bent, and hands open.

Because frankly, Jesus knows a whole lot more than us. He knows the very people that need to be present in the room when Shiloh is born. He knows what is ultimately best for her health. He knows if for some reason she just needs two more days in the womb. He knows if the dark of the night is the best time for us to cradle her close. He knows exactly how the events of the next few days will echo and reverberate throughout the days of so many involved.

And so we ask, because He invites us to ask. But we cry out with trembling lips the words of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego…even if you don’t… Even if you don’t, we will worship you alone. We will trust that in perhaps unseen, and unknown ways, You are working for our good and Your Glory. So please, help us to hold all things loosely.

On repeat tonight? The same song that played on loop the eve of Bella’s birth.

So let go my soul, and trust in Him. The waves and wind still know His name. It is well with my soul.