Well Acquainted

It’s 3 am. Again. But the reason for this midnight rendezvous with Jesus is not particularly spiritual.

The reason is one of the most obnoxious ailments I’ve ever had the privilege of experiencing – hand, foot and mouth disease.

This year our family has had our fair share of nursery induced illnesses. I’m far from a germaphobe, and see illnesses as building up immunity, so the benefits of worshiping peacefully with my husband tend to outweigh the almost predictable Wednesday appearance of the nursery ailment of the week. However, a few weeks ago, after a particularly vicious bug that completely altered our toddler’s demeanor for over a week (and about the seventh nursery bug of the year), my husband and I became a bit wary of the routine. And so we alternated services for a few weeks, keeping Eliana home and therefore illness free. Honestly the decision was mostly for our own sanity and desire for a happy toddler.

But Easter Sunday, yes, of that holy week, we dropped her off in the nursery. And sure enough, come Wednesday evening, the fever arrived with a vengeance. It didn’t last long, though – just a day or so. And then these little sores appeared on her hands and feet and bottom. For a more experienced parent that probably would have been a red flag. However, during the aforementioned vicious bug, which included a high fever over a period of several days, she had broken out in a rash once the fever subsided. In retrospect, that rash was entirely different in both location and appearance, but we chalked it up to the same thing. Once again, Eliana’s demeanor was dramatically altered and she was near impossible to deal with. She was, to be exact, a little ticking time bomb with the shortest fuse imaginable. And to be entirely honest, Mama’s patience began to wear a little thin, as all other symptoms other than the lingering “rash” were absent – shouldn’t she be feeling better – and hence behaving better?

I started to come down with the cold that is roaring its way through the valley on Sunday. Tuesday it appeared to worsen, and I was sure I was battling a fever. (Although the only thermometer I could find in the house had recently been in my daughter’s bottom, so I didn’t bother to take my temp.) And then Wednesday, I began to be annoyed by what I assumed must be a blister on one of my feet. As the day wore on, though, sores began to appear one by one on my hands and elsewhere on my feet. Instantly hand, foot and mouth disease came to mind (as well as the “doh” moment of, why didn’t I realize this before?). A quick google search, as well as a texting conference with a nurse practitioner friend confirmed the diagnosis.

One of the first symptoms of hand, foot and mouth disease I read about was “irritability in infants and toddlers.” After experiencing the disease myself, I completely understand the irritability. In fact, if I knew what I know now last week, I likely would have had far greater compassion on Eliana – and would have been able to nurse her through it much better.

And I certainly wouldn’t have tried to give her a bath. I thought a bubble bath, one of her favorite activities, might be soothing. And she was particularly messy after a meal, so it was somewhat necessary as well. I was frustrated when she screamed bloody murder at me, refusing to even sit down. I quickly washed her and chocked it up to the current time bomb nature of her personality.

What I didn’t know then was that warm water feels like needles on the sores and is basically like torture. Yep, that might be my bad mommy moment of the week. Or month. Or year. But I didn’t know.

And so tonight, as I lay in bed unable to get comfortable enough to fall back to sleep after a painful hobble on sore ridden feet to the bathroom (what pregnant lady can make it through the night without peeing), I began to ask Jesus what he had for me in all of this. Did he feel the need to work in me a greater compassion and understanding? Or was it a realization of how much I take for granted – and how good I have it – even in this season? What’s the lesson, Lord, because I’d sure like to learn it and GET OUT of this illness.

And here’s what I sensed being tenderly communicated to me.

Were Eliana to have a relapse, would you better be able to care for her now?

Yes.

Would you know a little better how to ease her suffering? How to hold her correctly? And avoid those things that would make the pain even worse?

Yes.

Would you willingly choose to go through your present suffering to gain that knowledge and perspective?

Ummm…not so sure about that one Lord. I don’t know that anyone would choose this discomfort. Have you seen me limp around? Did you see me wince as I tried to wash dishes?

And that’s when it hit me. And chalk it up to exhaustion or pregnancy hormones, but tears gathered in my eyes.

He chose to walk the road of suffering. To be tempted in every way. To feel the pain and the blisters and the heart rending grief of this world.

And because of that, he knows intimately how to walk through this season with me. He knows how to deal tenderly and compassionately with me – not to completely remove the pain, but to prevent the unnecessary increase of that pain.

And by golly he knows not to put me in a bath of hot water.

Now how exactly having our family walk through the throes of hand, foot and mouth disease is good at this time and in this season, I do not know.

But I know my Jesus. And he is good. And he is tender. And he knows. And I’m so glad he is the one caring for me now.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16